I'm going to try to remember this to the best of my abilities. I mean offense to no one.
You wanna know why we were 10 minutes late? Well, after we waited for the crazy city people to roll-start their car, this big fat drunk guy landed on our windshield! He had no shirt on, and how the crud were we supposed to get him off there!? Rebeccah kept trying the windshield wipers, but he wouldn't roll off, so Daniel got out and stabbed him, cracking the windshield in the process. So then we had to run from the cops, so we drove through a cornfield at 90 mph with the head lights off. We ended up in the river and had to roll the windows down and paddle with our arms for like two miles. We finally found a boat ramp and drove up it, to find we were in Arkansas. Then all these rednecks came out of nowhere! We were trying to drive away, but then we hit this huge deer. I mean, this thing was like an elephant! It had these HUGE antlers, and like 6 legs. Then farther down the road we saw this cow! Just before we hit it, this tree-man stopped our car and made hamburgers from the heat coming off the road. We gave up trying to get home, so we drove to get a drink. But wouldn't you know it, these Nazi aliens showed up, and THE SONS OF A BATCH OF COOKIES STOLE OUR DRINKS!!! Really people, there's no age limit to sodas! Come on! But hey, they teleported us home, and we landed BANG on my driveway, so it's all good.