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Sunday, September 4, 2011

ramblings of a terribly tired teenager (a lowercase post).

i've said a hundred times that i hate journaling.
i don't want people to read what i write because i'm self-conscious like that
and people are extremely nosy.
so i ask myself often why i have a blog.
why share with the world a bunch of stuff about a person they don't know?
but y'know, it hit me.
i guess there are some things i want to share.
not meaningless little things.
but stuff that will make a difference in the end.
maybe by sharing thoughts,
something i typically hate doing,
i might somehow be used to help someone else.
or, at least give some poor bored person-who-likes-to-read-this-stuff something to do.
because i really do need to get it out,
even if i don't like it.

anyhow, i've been kind of tired this weekend. yesterday was fun, but i'm exhausted now.
as a result, i'm even more self-conscious than normal.
"why the heck did i say that? "
"why did i treat that person that way?"
"why am i so odd?"
whether it happened an minute ago or a year ago.
all those little things bug me.

church this morning was exactly what i needed.
my youth pastor said things in sunday school that i needed to hear.
it's okay to be the quirky one.
i have my purpose.
this is just life, i don't have to sweat these little things.
i'm grateful that i'm allowed to go to the second service at church.
the words of those songs...
i'm no good at describing feelings.
i needed them.
and i may be the odd one, but i have potential.

so even if i am self-conscious, i'll still keep writing.
maybe it'll reach someone.

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